That's intense
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
