We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize