you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
ok first of all what the fuck
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
