When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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