The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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