Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
