Don't you send me to vm
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
