I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
