it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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