i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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