Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize