i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
