if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
