chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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