u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
so much tequila, so little girl.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
