Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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