nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
