I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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