so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
