dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
