I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
