how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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