I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
