just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
