ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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