He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
