im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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