you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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