Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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