you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
