Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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