I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
