I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
