had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
