Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
