so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
