life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
