Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
