i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
