im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
