I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
