so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
