i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
