While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
