So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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