i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
