Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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