So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
