remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
