Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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