TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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