C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
