I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
