I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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