She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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