Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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