last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
