Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think I am morally bankrupt
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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