Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
