I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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