Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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