Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
